just wait, it's coming! dddragon presents: Is Anything Truly Random?

Friday, April 07, 2006

Let The Pun Begin

A the husband of a friend of my mom forwards funny stuff to me just about every day. Because I'm feeling lazy, I'll post one of them instead of anything really meaningful.

  1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
  2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
  3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
  4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
  5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
  6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
  7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."
  8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
  9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
  10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
  11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
  12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
  13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
  14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
  15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
  16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
  17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
  18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
  19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good. . .) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
  20. And finally, there was the man who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

9 Comments:

At 2:42 PM, Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

I LOVE puns. #17 is my favorite!

 
At 3:09 PM, Blogger Doug said...

I like #6. I'm sick like that.

 
At 5:46 PM, Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

Number 8 for me. Puns are a sign of a sick mind, however.

 
At 9:54 PM, Blogger Sar said...

A sick mind ya say, TLP? Then I should be committed because I love puns and these were fantastic! 15 was my favorite, I don't know why, and 19 was pretty amazing.

Good post 3D!

 
At 9:02 AM, Blogger actonbell said...

#12 made me laugh. I must be sick. Speaking of Boxing Helena...

 
At 10:11 AM, Blogger AP3 said...

All I can say is, "D'oh!"

 
At 6:06 PM, Blogger schnoodlepooh said...

I have a strong feeling of Deja Moo, even though I've never read this bull before! Pretty punny funny.

 
At 4:45 AM, Blogger Jemima said...

Thank you for six chuckles and two out and out laughs.

 
At 4:15 PM, Blogger still life said...

Good job! I sent this to friends and I know there will be plenty of chuckling!

 

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