My Brother

Flashback, 1991: We had the family over for Goa'uld and Tok'ra's first birthday. My brother, Nivek, was drinking a beer and Tok'ra was interested in it. Nivek asked if he could let her have a sip, to which I said "sure, but she isn't going to like it."

From the kitchen, my mother called out, "Oh, yes they will! Babies like beer!"

Sure enough, after one sip, Tok'ra was reaching for more! Nivek got a big laugh out of it, as did I, but my DH wasn't amused. I can still hear Nivek chortling over a baby liking beer.

Eighteen days later, Nivek was dead.

Bright and sensitive, he had long been plagued with depression. On the evening of August 6, 1991, in his room at home with Pink Floyd playing, he decided that he could go no further and he ended his life. We'll never know what finally pushed him to do it. Flown by helicopter to Hershey Medical Center, he was kept on life support for awhile, but the damage had been done. On August 7 he died, age 26. Some of his organs were donated to others. Ironically, Nivek was agnostic; his heart went to a minister.

I still miss Nivek terribly. Every time I see things that he liked (Three Stooges, Benny Hill, the Blues Brothers and more) I am reminded of him. I am still confronted by things I would have bought as gifts for him. Sometimes I am angry at Nivek, because my daughters will never know him. But I have to remember that life was painful to him. It was his decision.

He suffers no more the cruelty of the world; he cannot be hurt. He will never grow old, bald or ill.

Nivek is forever young.