just wait, it's coming! dddragon presents: Is Anything Truly Random?

Monday, September 05, 2005

Eye Glasses & Other Stories

Thanks to Jamie Dawn for the inspiration for this story:

When I was in fifth grade the school nurse sent home a note saying that the school eye test warranted a visit to the eye doctor. Mom didn't really believe it - after all, how could HER daughter need glasses? (never mind every other family member wore glasses.) She thought that because some of my friends had gotten glasses recently that I also wanted them. But finally an appointment was made.

The doctor is peering into my eye with that little flashlight-kind of thing and asked me to read what I could from the Eye Chart.

I said "what chart?"

Mom sez "oh, dddragon!!"

The doctor turns to her and sez, "no, she really CAN'T see the chart."

For the first time in my life, my mom was speechless.

I'm pretty darn nearsighted, and it gets worse every year. Good thing lenses come in plastic, otherwise I would have pretty deep impressions on my nose. But I don't remember giving any thought about what glasses would do to me socially as I grew older. This was probably because I wasn't ever part of any "in" crowd. But then I really didn't care much - the whole Jordache and Sassoon jean thing seemed dumb to me. I had my group of SciFi/Trekker friends and we were cool together.

I can remember the first new pair of glasses that I got after we moved to Pennsylvania. We were driving along Front Street in Harrisburg, which borders the Susquehanna River. When I looked across the river I could see the windows on the houses over there. That made an impact on me that I can still remember.

Hoss posted an, ahem, interesting photo on his blog. The one of the little dog and the big dog.

oh, gawd, that reminds me that I was present at a stable when they were mating an Arabian stallion with a Thoroughbred mare - it was a similar situation.

Now, in case you don't already know, Arabians are small horses. Big on nobility and beauty, short on stature. Thoroughbreds are tall horses. You already getting the picture?

Well, this stallion was ALL excited about the mare. She couldn't care less. Just stood there chewing her hay. That little stallion could not reach her, no matter how hard he tried (no pun intended). Finally, the stablehands had to help. Locking arms behind the stallion's rear, they attempted to leverage him high enough to consummate.

Unfortunately, the mare, in her disinterest, took this opportunity to empty her bladder. Do you have ANY idea how many gallons a horse can pee? What must've been buckets of urine splattered everyone around.

All I could do was laugh. Then my ride was leaving, so I don't know if they ever got a successful mating.


At 10:15 AM, Blogger Fred said...

TLP speechless? Really? Honestly? Is it April 1st already? :)

I remember when I got glasses; it was in 10th grade. I only wore them during class to see the board. By college, it was a full-time thing. Now, I've got the trifocal things that I have to move my head up and down to focus. What a pain.

At 10:45 AM, Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

That is too funny! Eye glasses & horse mating.

I was testing my own vision out on that chart, with contacts and reading glasses, and am not doing so well!

Have a good day.

At 10:49 AM, Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

Well, you forgot to mention that while my sisters were all glasses-wearers, I myself was not, and still am not. Plus my mother's eyes were great. It never occurred to me that you would be blind. Just sayin'.

Smarty Pants Fred...I wasn't speechless long.

At 10:51 AM, Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

I saw your Counter Race comment over at Birddogs place so I had to run right over here and even up the score.

(You could have handed those poor people a milk stool....)

At 11:22 AM, Blogger dddragon said...

Wait a minute, mom, I never knew granny w/o glasses until she had that cataract surgery when she was about 90 years old (or close to it). See a pic here

At 1:36 PM, Blogger schnoodlepooh said...

Those old pics are GREAT. I LOVE that old stuff.

And your stories are good. It's amazing how the world changes when you get your glasses. I was in a bad mood for a week after I got mine because my house was so dirty and I never saw it before (it was just a year ago).

The horses... well... what can I say on that.

HOSS, what the heck is he doing with our blog counter races? click click click

At 3:19 PM, Blogger Doug said...

I never saw those pictures before. That's too nice. I think I was going to say something about the horse but I forgot it.

At 7:55 PM, Blogger AP3 said...

Fred beat me to it! I can't believe TLP was speechless!

Yeah, we're all blind now... well, except for TLP. I made it to college before I got glasses, but my eyes went bad FAST after that.

I think I probably needed them in junior/senior year of high school. I looked back at my softball stats recently, and my batting average went down ever so slightly jr/sr year versus fresh/sophomore year... plus the MOMENT I got to the huge lecture halls at college (versus our tiny HS classrooms), I realized I didn't see that well at all.

I hate being blind!

At 8:01 PM, Blogger mireille said...

I'm moving right past the little horse and the big horse ... but between Aral's ROTC indoctrination and your encounter with the optometrist, TLP must be fraught with guilt, huh? xoxo

At 8:34 PM, Blogger actonbell said...

Well, I'm going straight for the horses: EW! YUK! I hope someone didn't get hurt in that messy business.

At 9:31 PM, Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

Pain, misery, and despair, people dying everywhere, BUT, those poor Pez girls, ya gotta pity those poor Pez girls.

At 5:21 PM, Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

Poor baby, couldn't see the chart?!?!
I'm glad you've had glasses all these years or you would've missed an awful lot.
Don't worry about not being in the "in" crowd. From what I've heard, those in the "in" crowd are all dead now.
The horse thing... what a mental picture!

At 11:52 AM, Blogger Buck said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.


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