Eye Glasses & Other Stories

Thanks to Jamie Dawn for the inspiration for this story:

When I was in fifth grade the school nurse sent home a note saying that the school eye test warranted a visit to the eye doctor. Mom didn't really believe it - after all, how could HER daughter need glasses? (never mind every other family member wore glasses.) She thought that because some of my friends had gotten glasses recently that I also wanted them. But finally an appointment was made.

The doctor is peering into my eye with that little flashlight-kind of thing and asked me to read what I could from the Eye Chart.

I said "what chart?" Mom sez "oh, dddragon!!" The doctor turns to her and sez, "no, she really CAN'T see the chart." For the first time in my life, my mom was speechless.

I'm pretty darn nearsighted, and it gets worse every year. Good thing lenses come in plastic, otherwise I would have pretty deep impressions on my nose. But I don't remember giving any thought about what glasses would do to me socially as I grew older. This was probably because I wasn't ever part of any "in" crowd. But then I really didn't care much - the whole Jordache and Sassoon jean thing seemed dumb to me. I had my group of SciFi/Trekker friends and we were cool together.

I can remember the first new pair of glasses that I got after we moved to Pennsylvania. We were driving along Front Street in Harrisburg, which borders the Susquehanna River. When I looked across the river I could see the windows on the houses over there. That made an impact on me that I can still remember.

AND ON TO ANOTHER TALE
Hoss posted an, ahem, interesting photo on his blog. The one of the little dog and the big dog.

oh, gawd, that reminds me that I was present at a stable when they were mating an Arabian stallion with a Thoroughbred mare - it was a similar situation.

Now, in case you don't already know, Arabians are small horses. Big on nobility and beauty, short on stature. Thoroughbreds are tall horses. You already getting the picture?

Well, this stallion was ALL excited about the mare. She couldn't care less. Just stood there chewing her hay. That little stallion could not reach her, no matter how hard he tried (no pun intended). Finally, the stablehands had to help. Locking arms behind the stallion's rear, they attempted to leverage him high enough to consummate.

Unfortunately, the mare, in her disinterest, took this opportunity to empty her bladder. Do you have ANY idea how many gallons a horse can pee? What must've been buckets of urine splattered everyone around.

All I could do was laugh. Then my ride was leaving, so I don't know if they ever got a successful mating.