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Friday, December 30, 2005

End of Year Thoughts

Beware ~ long whiney post ahead. Read at your own risk.

My sister Actonbell reflected on what gave her pleasure this past year. I have to admit that I have been focusing more on the negatives of this past year lately. But certainly as the year wound down, I could feel depression firmly settling in. Could not get into a holiday or cheerful mode. Tried to hide it whenever possible. Not sure what brought this on, and I've tried to use blogging as a positive outlet.

Some of it is that my family has just been too darn busy. I am the calendar/schedule keeper. I'm the one who makes sure that the kids know when and where they're doing their stuff. I do keep telling them that they're old enough to keep up with their own schedule, yet it doesn't seem to ever happen. I'm also the chauffeur.

Then there's the house and vehicles. Of course, things fall apart without regard to what's in the bank account. Darn heating system work really messed us up this year. I am pleased that we found a good used van at a reasonable price to replace my dead one. The new one is a little older than I would've liked, but the power sliding door and power keylock are little perks that keep my happy (now, if only it had remote start ...)

Some of it was the dread in facing the holidays with the complications of family, especially my MIL. Not her fault that she has Alzheimer's, but there is no denying the affects it has on us. And as I grow older, the less patience I have. Pretty ashamed about it. My mom mellowed as she got older, I get bitcher. What's up with that?

Girl Scouts - there was this big shake-up locally, where a volunteer director didn't want to follow the new rules and quit, leaving the rest of us to take up the slack. (as she hadn't really been following the old rules, either, it was kind of a relief.) Also, my troop is comprised of good girls who are all too busy to really be in GS, but keep saying that they will do this or want to do that, but somehow nothing ever gets done. I do so much prep work only to have it end up being for nothing. Very frustrating. Also, I'm on the committee for an outdoor adult training annual conference. More work for me, but I enjoy it and the women. Except when I was asked to take up the slack for someone who wasn't doing their duty and it was to be kept quiet. Aaargh.

Band - I really enjoyed the Marching Band season and have been asked to do more next year. I've agreed to help with the Band Fudge making next year, but not the paperwork. (no, I haven't really learned how to say "no".)

Work - boy, oh, boy, am I bored there. Because I'm part-time (I work most Mondays through Fridays, 8 am to Noon), I can't do anything but catalog sales. Can't tell you how many times I've been told that I would be great in another department. Can't. Just plain can't. Another friend who works there and I must be going thru a mid-life crisis, because we talk on break about how bored we are. However, we agree that we have great "mommy" hours and we've just got to see it thru until the kids are out of school.

But then I have NO idea what I want to do. Until seven years ago I had a job that I loved (been there 14 years) and thought that I would have until I retired. But the last couple of years there were hell because of three new employees, so I finally left under much stress. (Three others quit before I did, one of them is now where I am. Sometimes we talk about how much we liked our previous job.)

Anyway, even if I were to quit catalog sales, I don't know what I would do. I've been asked to teach art to preschoolers at a local Arts organization. That's why I took the Education Course last Fall (I did get an A, tho' I don't know what my final exam score was). However, the course was teaching theory and while it was interesting to go to and fun to be better than those young whippersnappers, I'm not sure that I learned anything that I can really apply. I'll have to look over my notes. lol. Babysitting preschoolers is one thing, being paid to teach them something art-related is a whole 'nother thang.

and ANYWAY - if I were to teach preschoolers, I would need to give up my ideal working hours at the Call Center (try and find hours like that anywhere else!). And I'm not sure that I or my husband are ready for the plunge for a change in what little income I do make.

And finally - STUFF - I, a packrat, married a packrat and we gave birth to two more packrats. Our house is so full of STUFF (keep quiet, mom). I have really tried over time to get rid of stuff, but somehow it keeps multiplying. Piles of books, paperwork, files, photo albums, all sorts of STUFF ... I'm paralyzed by it now. I wish that this house had just one more room that I can have for my own so that I can organize things my way and keep it that way.

And on top of all this, I need to lose about sixty pounds. I really, really do.

So, dear readers, this is my rant for the day. I'll try and think of things more positively tomorrow.


At 9:19 AM, Blogger Doug said...

Thanks, Dddragon. That might be the end-of-year post we most needed to read.

But, what I came here to say is...

You're so INTREPID!

At 11:43 AM, Blogger Fred said...

Hey, dddragon, I think many of us feel the same way about things; you're just the one who put it out there for us. Although I post mostly about fun stuff, there's still many things that need work in my life. In fact, you've inspired me to write a post on this subject next month. Thanks.

The packrat thing. It's 4-1 against me here. They keep everything. Everything. Being anal-retentive, I just want it neat and clean!

We'll be here tomorrow, too. Hope you have a great day, and Happy New Year.

At 12:54 PM, Blogger Sar said...

Sometimes you just gotta have a good and hearty rant. It's hard having to take a back seat to your children and family's needs especially when life throws curve balls in the mix.

But at least you can look back and know that your sacrifices made a positive difference and your girls will remember thankfully that you were involved and interested in their lives.

Plus, thank goodness you're a packrat and saved all those old photos, because I sure enjoyed your Christmas past posts!

Feel better my pal. :) *HUGS*

At 1:32 PM, Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

My poor baby! (((3D)))

If winter comes, can spring be far behind? The short-light days are hard.

Yes, your girls are about the busiest kids I've ever known. You need to say "no" more often to those things that you don't enjoy.

Nothing can be said about the MIL. She's even a problem for me. *sigh*

At 2:39 PM, Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Well, now that you have written it down, read it slowly and check off the things you don't really NEED to be doing. Simplify. Then get a hammer and announce to the family: "If some of this junk isn't out of my sight by tomorrow I'm going to smash it to smithereens and put it under your pillow." Then keep smiling. That's the best medicine.

At 4:50 PM, Blogger still life said...

This is a hard season, luckily we are approaching a slow one. Then you will be able to breathe.

At 7:43 PM, Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

Oh do I understand the packrat part. And the growing lack of patience part, too. Perhaps when our kids are out of the house we'll gain some of that patience back? And we'll lose some of that stuff, too!!!

At 11:54 PM, Blogger mireille said...

I like what Hoss said. And have nothing to add. Except to applaud you for what you do, every single day. Really, look at ALL YOU DO, every single day. It's a wonder you're not tightly cinched into one of those padded, white wraparound jackets *stylish!* ♥ xoxo

At 12:38 PM, Blogger actonbell said...

I like what Hoss said, too--and I hope that GS ends soon--you've done your share!! You deserve to have the time to get in a half-hour walk each day. It DOES reduce stress. I'd be taking something, if it weren't for exercise.
Teaching pre-school: I did that for awhile, and--you know it doesn't pay well...IF you'd ENJOY it, that's another thing, but I think you'd enjoy older kids, or young people who have a real interest in developing their talents--you've got so much to share.

I wish you fewer obligations this year! You can honestly say, "I have too much on my plate to do that!"

At 3:21 PM, Blogger AP3 said...


Yeah, Hoss makes some good points.

I say, stop keeping the girls' schedules. Then they'll magically learn to do it. They're ready.

I need to lose quite a bit o' weight myself. *sigh*


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