Unitarians, Coffee and Discussions

A new visitor, Freethinker, commented on my Pi Day post, so I visited his blog. One of my friends at work is a freethinker, too (tho' he's more known in our area as a loud-mouth, obnoxious Atheist). Anyway, Freethinker says that he's a Caffeineaholic (his term). There is a picture of people worshiping a large coffeepot - an illustration I've seen associated with Unitarians. So, I segue to share a little bit about Unitarian Universalists.

UUs are big on discussions and coffee (and tea, too). There are many jokes about us concerning these two. These jokes are from http://stoney.sb.org/uujokes.html.

Once upon a time, there was a man who had no religion, but was a very good and honest fellow. At death, he found himself in heaven. A kindly looking gentleman was waiting for him. Said the gatekeeper of heaven, "What religion are you sir?".

The man said, "I have no religion."

The gatekeeper said, "Well, where would you like to spend eternity, then?"

The man shrugged. "What are some options?"

Together, they strolled through the halls of heaven, looking in different rooms. In the first, a great congregation knelt before a great glowing figure, their faces to the ground and their hands outstretched. The man didn't think that looked too good.

Next, they stood outside a large sanctuary where a preacher was preaching loudly, to many "Amens" and "Hallelujahs." St. Peter put a finger to his lips and said, "And at this door, we need to be ver-r-r-r-r-r-y quiet."

"Why?" asked the newcomer.

"Because," St. Peter replied, "Those are the Southern Baptists, and they think they're the only ones here."

In another, a great congegration knelt before a fellow hanging from a big cross. The man didn't think much of that either. And indeed, in every room, the man found less than satisfactory situations in which to spend eternity. So, finally the gatekeeper said, "Okay, there's one last option."

The walked down the hall, and the gatekeeper opened the final door, behind which were a great congregation dancing in a big ring around a huge coffeepot singing "Coffee, coffee, coffee!".

When the fire breaks out on church row, the churches are empty.

When the priest hears the news, he runs into the church long enough to bring out the consecrated wine and wafers. The rabbi rescues the Ark of the Torah. Of course the UU minister and the church council rushed into the church and held A DISCUSSION GROUP about what to save.

Eventually they emerged carrying the conference table.

A Unitarian Universalist comes to a fork in the road. The sign pointing right says, "To Heaven." The sign pointing left says, "To a discussion about Heaven." The UU will invariably head left!

It is show-and-tell day at school, and all the children are requested to bring in an item which illustrates their religious beliefs. David stands up and says "This is a star of David and I am a Jew". Dorothy stands up and says "This is a crucifix and I am a Catholic". Jimmy stands up and says "This is a coffeepot and I am a Unitarian".

And finally, here is a song, sung to the tune Holy, Holy, Holy

Coffee, Coffee, Coffee
by Christopher Raible

Coffee, Coffee, Coffee,
Praise the strength of coffee.
Early in the morn we rise with thoughts of only thee.
Served fresh or reheated,
Dark by thee defeated,
Brewed black by perk or drip or instantly.

Though all else we scoff we
Come to church for coffee.
If we're late to congregate, we come in time for thee.
Coffee our one ritual,
Drinking it habitual,
Brewed black by perk or drip instantly.

Coffee the communion
Of our Uni-Union,
Symbol of our sacred ground, our one necessity.
Feel the holy power
At our coffee hour,
Brewed black by perk or drip or instantly.

There are lots more at the above website.