Windy
It's been pretty darn windy around here this week. This large tree limb is down the block from our house.
There was a message on the machine when I got home from the grocery store yesterday afternoon. One of my MIL's neighbors called to say that she was at his house. Please call. So I did, asking if she was still there (the time stamp on the machine told me that he had called 45 minutes earlier). She was, so I told George that I would call Nod and he'd get over there. This was 4:30 pm. Nod said that his brother should be home now ...
When he got home, Nod was really aggrevated. He still doesn't know what the full story was - most likely his mom got tired of being home alone and went for a walk around the house and locked herself out (or forgot that she had the key in her pocket or purse). But Nod was really, really mad at his brother. Dear BIL told Nod that he was to make sure that dear ol'Mom was taken to the adult day care place to punish her.
What's up with that? MIL needs to go in order to just get her out of the house (which is driving her batty) and to have some stimulation of the mind. Her Alzheimers is never going to get better, but it can be forstalled some if her mind can be occupied.
The MIL has been getting harder to handle, and my BIL has been sucking my husband into taking on more and more care. Mind you, my BIL is the one still living at home and "gets" to decide what care their mom gets. My husband has said that his brother gets to make that decision. Yet, somehow it's Nod that ends up making most of the calls to doctors (and taking MIL to appointments), calling various agencies, etc.
I told Nod that he needs to distance himself from the situation because it's killing him and straining family life here at home. To my relief, he sees that and has begun to step back. He hopes that this incident of his mom wandering (or whatever) will get his brother to see that things need to be done differently. (She does have an Alzheimers ID bracelet on and is registered with a national group.)
Aaargh
posted by dddragon at 7:10 AM
10 Comments:
This post is posted twice, BTW.
Yes Julia should get to the day care center each day, or have someone in to stay with her, the way I do on Mondays. She can be difficult. Your BIL can't physically force her into the car, etc. That's why, IMHO, she should be in a nursing home.
True, the BIL calls the shots. But Nod enables him to do that.
Sounds like an increasingly frustrating situation. As a teen a babysat a few times for our neighbor's kids. Their grandmother, suffering from Alzheimers, lived with them. One time, the last time, I sat for them they left the grandmother home figuring she'd just stay downstairs in her space. Not so. The poor thing was so confused, thought I was a boy breaking into their house and came after me with a baseball bat. Thankfully mom was right across the street.
It does sound maddening. Sympathy.
That sounds like such a difficult situation to be in for your family and especially for Nod. It is pretty much a no-win situation for him. Are there no other options for her? As far as living arrangements? The bracelet with the identification sounds like a great idea, if only for a last resource.
{{{Hugs}}} to you and Nod and MIL. Not so sure about BIL (if anyone should be punished....) :-\
I've only dealt with a grandmother who couldn't find her car in the grocery parking lot (and, on a separate occasion, folded our cat into the sleeper sofa, though No Animals Were Harmed). Oh, and occasionally mom gives me a breathless crazywoman rant from nowhere. (The latest subject: "drug-dealing" neighbors stealing a watercolor, which she left in the hall for a half hour, and undoubtedly throwing it in the common dumpster. As part of some ongoing vendetta.)
Anyway, good for Nod, understanding (with your help) that he can gain a little perspective by backing off.
P.S., thanks for linking me :>
(The name link in these comments won't work because the blog moved, but the sidebar one is right.)
Maybe time for a friendly face-off with BIL? Maybe he's weakening, too.
Oh if life were in-law free!
Seriously though, sorry to hear of all these troubles! I am glad that your husband is trying to distance himself from the situation. Boy do I understand how such things can strain family life!
You have my deepest, deepest, sympathies sista!
Ah yeah, we're now at the age where we can potentially become caregivers to two groups; our kids and our parents.
The MIL story kinda reminds me of the MIL in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding".
When my grandma began to get Alzheimers, it was sad, but funny at times, too. It was nice that we were able to look back on those times and laugh, fondly. We still do!
Tricky area, dddragon.
This sort of thing is happening with The Missus, too. Her mother has to do all the work with Grandma, while her mother's sister simply writes the checks and does nothing. She refuses to share with any of the "hard" work. It's such a strain on the family, yet there's nothing we can do about it on this end.
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